Home

Ok so, you go through each day remembering yesterday, wondering about tomorrow, forgetting last year. I forgot that I was reading Pema Chodron last year. Why did I stop? The illness and death of a friend caused/is causing such an upheaval.

"A warrior begins to take responsibility for the direction of her life." Pema Chodron

"The essence of bravery is being without self-deception." Pema Chodron

Oh god but what happens when you just don't know you are caught up in self-deception? and what happens if you think you know your direction but you are going the wrong way? Is there a wrong way?

This journey of grief is a stormy and muddy way. I want the blue skies and the sunshine but the tears continue to flow. And if the truth can be told, really, I never want the tears to stop. I want to cry and cry and cry.

I have not been here

I have not been here in a while. A lot has happened. I have not written here about the death of my best friend, Theresa. I don't know why. The important thing is that I know she is living on within me. There are some very concrete examples of this and some more spiritual examples. But for instance, I now have numbness in my foot and leg. She suffered from numbness in her feet. I am also now lactose intolerant. She was lactose intolerant. I am singing and taking voice lessons. You might say this is just something I wanted to do, but seriously, my guitar sat on its stand for years, and now I am playing and singing again, I have written 16 songs since her death. This is not a coincidence. There is a void in the center of my being and I am searching. I think the music is helping me to make some sense of the intensity of this loss. I will post some songs and pictures next time. xo